Wednesday, May 22, 2019

7 Ways I Practice Self Care as a (Busy) Stay at Home Mom

There seems to be a misconception that stay at home moms spend the day leisurely, without worry, and with all the free time in the world. The truth is I have less time to myself than I ever had before. When I was working and child free I had an entire morning routine of sipping on my coffee, reading devotionals, and catching up with my coworkers before I settled into my work. At night I would go for a walk, meditate, and cook healthy meals. I was on top of my self care and when I faltered I was easily able to get back on track spiritually, mentally, and physically. Since becoming a stay at home mom I wake up to my job (taking care of my child's physical and emotional needs) after minimal sleep, spend all day and evening caring for someone other than myself, and then crawling into bed only to start over again the next day. You see when my child goes to bed, I get to take care of household duties I couldn't when she was awake, and it's nice to be there for your spouse too. It is easy then for me to go weeks without making time for myself, and when I do, it feels strange being on my own and not having anyone depend on me.

Since I worked as a therapist before taking time to stay at home, I know how important self care is. I've even written about it on this blog before. When I practice self care I am more patient, kind, and productive. However knowing and doing are completely different things. I have gotten caught up in the cycle of "I should schedule time for myself" or "I'd like to, tomorrow". Except tomorrow turns into the next day, or next week, or next month. Unfortunately, this leads to burn out and next thing you know, you haven't washed your hair in days and you're finding yourself having to take more and more deep breaths to keep from being snippy when asked a question.

So what's a mom to do? Micro self care. Think small, real small. I too roll my eyes when someone tells me to practice self care by getting a massage or a manicure. You don't have to schedule an hour for self care every day, you can implement a few minutes scattered throughout when you do find yourself with some down time. Here are some ways I like to do so.

1. Sleep. This is the self care I feel the most guilty about, but being in my third trimester has really forced me to slow down and take power naps more often. Your body needs to recharge, and chances are you are not getting enough. Take a 20 minute nap during your toddler's nap, and when you are done try to get some chores accomplished before they wake up. Have your partner (or support person) take the baby and feed them breakfast while you sleep in for 30 more minutes on the weekend. My husband does this for me often on Saturdays, and it has been a miracle for our marriage. Sometimes even being able to wake up, stretch, and browse on my phone for a few minutes before starting my day is a nice reprieve. Start with sleep.

2. Say no. It is easy to find yourself volunteering for things because technically, your schedule is more flexible than those who work office jobs. You know it "would be good" to get out and see that friend of yours. That doesn't mean you should. If you find yourself overwhelmed and irritable, say no. I know how difficult it can be to say no because of a fear of what others may think of you - what if they think I am rude? - but people say no all the time! There is nothing wrong with saying no and prioritizing yourself. Practice in the mirror if you need to, and avoid the temptation to make up excuses to justify your no.

3. Ask your partner for time alone. When my husband gets home or when our daughter goes to bed I ask for 15 minutes to myself to do whatever I want. Not all the time, but often. Believe it or not, he enjoys that time to himself as well! I close my eyes, watch TV, read a book, or write during that time and he does whatever he likes as well. When that time is up we regroup and I feel refreshed enough to ask him about his day.

4. Take advantage of the morning before your child wakes up. On mornings I get up, get ready, and get my day started before my daughter wakes I feel much more accomplished and happy. I am not the best at doing so, but it truly makes a difference when I do.

5. Multitask self care with child care. My daughter loves going to the park and being outdoors during the summer, and so do I. At least two to three times a week I take her for walks to get fresh air for us both, and to get some exercise in. I take her to things we will both enjoy, such as the zoo, museums, or the library. We attend an interactive class at the library once a week, and during that time I see other mom friends and catch up. I even sometimes get a book for myself. Time can be spent enriching your child and enriching yourself.

6. Say yes. Just as it is important to say no, I have also found it incredibly important to say yes to help when it is offered to me. I don't live near family, and so I don't have that kind of support available that many mothers have. I've had friends organically offer to watch my daughter for doctor appointments, occasional date nights, or even for me to run an errand. I used to feel embarrassed or like I was taking advantage of their kindness, but the truth is: I would do the same for them. We are all struggling, and we all need time to ourselves and with our spouses. If your friend, neighbor, or teammate are trustworthy adults who you know well then try to say yes more often.

7. Do not abandon your hygiene/beauty/skin routine, simplify it. One of my favorite parts of the day is my skin care routine, as simple as it is. I love having those 15 minutes of quiet and taking care of my body. I have altered my hair, skin and makeup routines to be much more simple and I feel more put together when I stick to them. Besides, you can still wear a face mask while folding laundry or doing dishes!

There are so many ways as mothers we can make time for ourselves, and they will look different for everyone. We all have different needs and interests. How do you practice self care as a busy mom?

1 comment:

  1. Having a nap, or just lying down for 20 minutes in the middle of the day, kept me sane back when my kids were little.